Friday, February 26, 2021

Processing Through ...

Mr. Potato Head

Mr. Potato Head did a very fine job of entertaining my grandchildren earlier this week. About three sets of body parts are stored in the loft in a sturdy shoe box labeled, "Spud." 

My long-time readers may remember that Spud was Grandad Bear's handyman back in the days when I made up stories for the Grammy's Place Bed and Breakfas blog. As a member of our dutiful staff, he made occasional appearances to embellish my penchant for whimsey.

The rest of my staff are packed away now in a secure place. Except for Grandad Bear. He sits, still with his feet propped up, on Beloved's night stand. I sometimes give his foot a playful little pinch when I'm on that side of the bed, arranging the pillows.

It has been a good week since I last posted. Unfortunately the tears have been abundant at times, but once that passes, I am able to function actually very well. Here are some photo highlights of the past several days.

front porch decor

As shared in my previous post, Valentine's Day was good but I was glad to get past it, too. One of the next milestones on our calendars is St. Patrick's Day, so this sign was discovered at Hobby Lobby.

close-up

I have this large pot sitting immediately outside the front door. At first I was going to change out the silk flowers by seasons and holidays, but changed my mind. I think I'll keep it predominantly green and then change out the decor with signs like this, and other appropriate froo-froo. It just seems easier and makes for less storage.

While I'm all for pretty decor, my creativity seems to be on hiatus, much like my sense of taste and smell. Making statements of a more serious nature fit my current frame of mind.

Speaking of taste and smell, the loss of smell is the bigger factor for me, but the most vibrant of recipe flavors elude me, too. I saw my doctor this week and he seemed to take it all in stride, along with my nearly twenty pound weight loss and slightly elevated blood pressure. Given what I'm going through right now, all of this is within the range of what's to be expected. None of it was in an abnormal range.

Blondie went with me.  I had asked her the week before they got here if she would accompany me to this appointment and she was glad to do it. I tend to get wobbly in voice and spirit when I have to tell those who don't already know of Beloved's death. I was so grateful the office staff allowed her to come in with me.

Since it's now been over 90 days since I had COVID, my doctor says it's time to get the vaccine. I'm on a list for it and expect it will be some time before I get the call from the scheduler. I'm okay with that. I know which shots I want and I know where I want to get them. 

Face Time with T2

Speaking of taste and smell, T2 has recently encouraged me to up my calorie intake with Naan Bread pizza.

find it at Walmart
in the deli section

He and I Face Time nearly every day. Dinnertime talk always comes up. I made my own version of a pizza and wow. It's good!


Follow the package instructions and then when it's time to "decorate", spread a thin layer of pizza sauce from a jar, top that off with whatever you want and finish with cheese. Bake till cheese melts and enjoy! (That's fresh chopped kale and browned ground beef on mine.)

dinner

I'm big on salad 2-3 times a day, so even with the kale on my pizza, I made a quick little Spring Greens salad to round out the plate.



While Gray Beard and Blondie were here, we made a trip to the cemetery. Six of the grandchildren were with us. We brought enough pennies with us that everybody could leave one on Grandad's headstone. Precious memories were made. 

I was surprised no tears ran down my face this time. This grief thing is a strange animal. I've learned to always have a cloth handkerchief somewhere handy because I never know when the water works are going to erupt -- or not.

Lil' Smokies and Crescent Rolls

The children have been very sensitive to me. They hug me, hold my hand, and just lean into me when they sense I need it. I've heard them pray for "Grammy as she goes through this hard time." Does that warm my heart? You know it!

When we got home from church on Sunday, we had fun in the kitchen slicing Lil' Smokies sausages in half and then cutting refrigerated Crescent Rolls into quite small triangles. The dough was wrapped around the meat and baked. Corn on the cob and Waldorf Salad rounded out that lunch.

photo edited for privacy

Another dose of reality hit yesterday. My new return address labels came in the mail. I had ordered some with both our names on them only about a month before we came down with COVID. So I have all those with both of our names on them. I just let that go for a while but then decided I needed to order some with just my name. I intentionally chose a cheerful design with dark pink poppies.

Concert with The Inspirations

Last night Jersey and I went to another gospel concert at my church. It was a men's group, The Inspirations, and they were good. One song about heaven hit me really hard, but we were sitting on the very back row and Jersey put her arm around me. I survived. 

the lake closest to my house

Jersey and I walk the neighborhood several times a week. Often when I just need some sunshine and exercise, I'll grab my sunglasses and launch out on a walk all by myself. Tears, exercise, and sunshine -- all are very helpful to me.

Scripture, too. I feed on God's Word every single day throughout the days. Both typed and hand-written verses are secured all over the house in places where I will see them easily. 

I live alone now and aside from family, it's rare when I'm in a position to want to impress anybody with my style of home decor. That was my past. Now I just need the Word of God and the power of the Holy Spirit to hold me together and process me through this nightmare.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2

It works. God's Word is powerful. I carry hand-written notes of His words in my pocket, pulling them out throughout the day for continued meditation. In some ways I am stronger than I was when this first happened.

Thank you for praying for me. It is shocking how many recent widows I am encountering of late. My heart breaks for every single one of them. 

selfie in the sewing room

In spite of the tears, the LORD is blessing me.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

16 comments:

  1. I think it's awesome that your children are always there to help you. That's a lovely photo of you. Enjoy your day, hugs, Edna B.

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  2. It's always good to see a post from you pop up. It's so good that God saw fit to clothe us with power from on high. (Luke 24:49) Those naan pizzas look real good. I have a package of naan in the kitchen. I might need to try that. I like the smokies in crescent rolls idea, too. I tend to tear up in church with no warning so I always have a hankie in my purse or in a pocket. Love how your sweet grands are sensitive to you and pray for you. So precious. Your friend in Colville, ellen.

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  3. Barb, glad Blondie was able to go with you to your doctor's appointment. I love the potted plant in your front entry. I was surprised when you said it was not real. Thinking of you.

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  4. Bless your heart, Barbara. This was so heart-spoken...I don't know what other term to use to describe it. It is from your heart and it is honest and real. I love that you are finding the freedom to share these innermost thoughts with us. I believe it is healing for you, and it is eye-opening for those of us who are not walking in your shoes. But it seems as though sooner or later we all must walk that road in one way or another, and you are helping us to understand it from your perspective better. I love that your family has been able to be so supportive. The family and the pennies on the headstone really touched me. The loss of weight concerns me, but if the Dr. wasn't that worried, then I guess he knows best. I like that your son is helping you with diet ideas that are appealing. I didn't realize you were still without your sense of taste and smell! I thought that would come back when you no longer had covid. Wow...I hope it will be back sometime. Kind of hard to have much of an appetite when you can't taste and smell, along with the emotional upheaval. But your selfie is beautiful...you look wonderful. I am glad you can take walks both alone and with your friend. Fresh air and exercise is vital. Gosh, I just wish I could hug you. Maybe it's more for me than for you...you probably don't need my hug, but I just wish I could express my heart to you in some tangible way. Prayers continue to go up for you and now our mutual friend Terri every day. You are loved with an everlasting love. Take care my friend.

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  5. Good to hear from you. I know it is hard, and I pray one day you will find joy in those stories again and some home decor and some cross stitching. For now, I am sure those walks in the fresh air have to be a good thing and I would definitely join you and Jersey Girl for The Inspirations. I could write a book on good ole gospel music in the south. I was raised on it for sure. oh and that taste and smell thing seems to stay with some more than others. I hope you get both back soon. That might help with the appetite some...well, maybe. Prayers and virtual hugs.

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  6. I am always so happy to catch up with you here, Barb. I quote you here: "I never know when the water works are going to erupt -- or not." and understand completely. I am not wailing and sobbing now and my tears are move controlled but I never know when something will cause them to flow. It is normal and everyone understands. I am walking most mornings with my friend, Elaine. Joey has been going with us since he arrived. It is good. My morning prayers and devotions and my bedtime Bible reading sustain me. Sending my love and keeping you in my prayers. xo

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  7. What a good picture of you. Wow, 20 lbs is a lot of weight and does Dr. blame your having Covid on your continued loss of smell? I always enjoy hearing of your progress and I think that you are doing extremely well given the shock of Beloved's death. Continued prayers for you.

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  8. I love hearing how supportive your kids and grandkids are, and the prayer from the grands moved me to tears.
    God is good! Glad you enjoyed that concert and got to go with the kids to the cemetery.

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  9. Naan bread you say? I'll look for it, though I am in no danger of fading away.

    How sweet the grands are to be sensitive to your needs, I am sure that their parents have taught them well. They have experienced a loss, too. One of my favorite conversations with the grands after John passed was my youngest saying that talking about Heaven always made him feel better.

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  10. As I've said here before, Barbara, I'm so very happy and relieved to know you are getting so much support from your family during this time. Your grands are so precious and caring! Yes, the tears will show up when least expected, and that's okay. You are making remarkable progress on this grief journey, and with God's help, you will thrive, not just survive.
    Blessings!

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  11. I am glad you visited your doctor....you were wise to do that. Grief can bring on physical problems and I am sure just talking to him helped you. I saw a quote the other day that made me think of you, Grief is love persevering. There was no source given but I think that is so true.

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  12. Oh, Barbara, I had no idea you were still dealing with loss of smell and taste... between that and your grief no wonder you are losing weight. You were tiny to begin with so I hope you can begin to gain a bit each week. Those tasty looking naan bread pizzas are a great start. I'm sure it's hard to cook for one... So glad your loving friends and family are such a source of support. Take good care now ♥

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  13. I'm so glad you have family and friends to help you each day. I can't imagine you losing that much weight...you are so teeny tiny anyway! The pizza looks so good! Eat it ALL! Hugs, Diane

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  14. I am so glad dear Barbara that you have family to help you in every way. What a huge blessing. Makes me smile so big. Girl, now you gonna have to eat and gain a little weight back. I am sounding like my granny now! LOL! She was a little tiny woman but always wanted to be sure her youngins was a eating right. LOL! The pizza looks wonderful. Glad I popped in to see your post dear Barbara. Hugs and blessings, Cindy

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  15. What a pretty picture of you, Barbara. It is so good to see your family surrounding you and loving you through this hard time. And caring about your losing weight. I have recently discovered Naan bread pizza, too. It is such an easy and delicious meal. I have some in the freezer and I think you've just given me an idea for a meal this week. :) Hugs to you.

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